I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
