he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
That accounts for only three of the penises
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
