i always forget guys have bellybuttons
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
