she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
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