I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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