I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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