She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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