Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
