Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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