I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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