I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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