After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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