he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
My bed smells like the plague
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
