I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
