so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
