You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
