she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Randomize
