I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
