There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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