we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
