This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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