first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
