I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
