i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
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He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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