My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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