life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
We left an ass print on the piano.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
