I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
sick fucks of a feather flock together
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
