I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
