Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
