Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
So here I am, sexting at work.
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