I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
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