whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
