Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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