it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
