you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
