Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
