who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
