foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
They took my balls.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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