i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
