im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
