I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
