I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I need a beard to bite.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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