Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
