should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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