I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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