i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
vagina is talking i cant
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
