I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize