I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
