Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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