My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
he was CRYING into my vagina
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
