One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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