I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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