i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
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And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
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I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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