hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
