Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
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We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
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I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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