she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
