dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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