woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
