My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
