I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
