I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Randomize
