census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
