it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Randomize