u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
