Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
