i may or may not be watching the land before time
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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