I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
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