Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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