Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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