Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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