going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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