remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
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What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
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I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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