my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
