omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
