I wanna passion pit in your ass
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I need a beard to bite.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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